Biggest Transformation of My Life
KENNY WOLF
Josh asked me to write about transformation and my first thought was, “Oh, man, I am in the midst of the biggest transformation of my life. That’ll be a breeze!”
But considering the fact that I’ve opened and closed my laptop 12 times and my article is a couple weeks late, it turns out I’m not an expert on the topic. So I’m just going to tell my story.
First, something you should know about me: I am a hopeless Enneagram 7. I’m not sure what is going to truly satisfy me in life. In fact, I’ve realized that I’m not even sure what I’m searching for. Is it the right career? The right man? The right locale to move to? Or maybe it’s some vision quest trip to the rainforest. I have spent my entire adult life looking for “that thing.”
I’ve always been jealous of the people that have always known what they wanted to do and then they did it. It’s amazing! I’ve never really had a passion for anything that lasted longer than a year or so, usually just a season. I’ve gone back to school to become a police officer, a counselor, a lawyer, a teacher, and one time after spending too much time with my cosmetologist friend I applied to cosmetology school. I didn’t love the idea of doing hair, but I did fall in love with the supply house and the trade event they took me to!
What I am passionate about doesn’t translate to a career. I love to travel; it’s more than a hobby to me, I think that being exposed to different places and meeting new people is essential to humanity. I really think the best thing that could happen to us is if we all got back to our nomadic roots.
*If you’re still reading, stick with me, I promise this isn’t going to end with me pitching my travel blog.*
Though I’ve spent my whole adult life looking for the right job, I’ve spent that whole time plugging away at the wrong job. It was perfect on the surface; great pay, union benefits, security, and—the best part—a convoluted time trading system that essentially gave me unlimited time off, important for someone that values traveling as much as I. The perks kept me placated for a long time, and I didn’t even realize how truly unhappy I was becoming until it hit me all at once. The job had strict rules, overtime requirements, a chain-of-command, and this free-spirited 7 simply wasn’t thriving. I became the unhealthiest of 7s; I drank and ate in excess, I became obstinate at work, I wasn’t satisfied, and I was becoming insensitive. I would do anything to escape from the pain and soul-crushing monotony that was my job.
So…uh…transformation?
I finally worked up the nerve to quit that job. It was frightening. I had to move in with family and I tanked my credit in the process; but I did come out stronger and a little more world-wise.
That’s not the exciting part though. Remember earlier when I said I didn’t even know what would truly satisfy me? That’s certainly true. But instead of constantly chasing the next possibility and chaotically jumping from one pursuit to another, I’ve resolved to keep my thoughts manageable and see them through. Being more mindful and living in the moment instead of perseverating about the future. Discerning which impulses are worth acting on and which ones aren’t. Every single day I’m starting to feel more and more like my old self and I couldn’t be more grateful for the last 2 years.
Kenny (he/him) is a new nurse working in the ER and moonlighting at the Canton prison. You can usually find him planning his next trip or drinking coffee. He loves making new friends, feel free to say hi after service.