Beauty from Ashes
MANDY KAMPEN
I was first introduced to the idea of maintaining a gratitude practice during my year as a youth ministries intern over twenty years ago. Our instructor talked about the mental health benefits of practicing gratitude, the challenges to being intentional with the practices, and the spiritual strength that comes from orienting yourself toward gratitude. Then she gave us an assignment: every day for one month, we were to write a list of ten things we were thankful for — no repeats, no generic lists, and we had to submit them to her each week for review.
While this approach was a little...clinical...it really stretched me. Since that time, I’ve had gratitude journals, subscribed to gratitude prompt blogs, taught gratitude as a spiritual practice, made gratitude-based New Year’s resolutions, and given up on most of those resolutions. But I’ve always persisted in coming back to this practice, again and again.
And yet, sometimes all the prompts in the world can’t help you rustle up genuine and specific areas of life to be grateful for. I’ve experienced seasons when I felt like my entire life was in a snow globe being shaken to death by a chaotic god. Times of anxiety or disappointment or grief. Times when I’ve felt lost or angry or melancholy for far too long. Times when I’ve given into the mundane, when every day blends into the next with no apparent newness or change (not that anyone can relate to that feeling these days).
Taking a fresh look at gratitude is a way to move forward when I feel stuck during these or any other kinds of slumps. What am I grateful didn’t work out the way I'd hoped? What am I grateful didn’t happen at all? These are simple shifts that make a major difference in perspective. And these are the kinds of questions that lead to unexpected moments of gratitude.
Moments like losing a job and finding that my support system is stronger, more generous, and more stabilizing than I could ever imagine or deserve.
Moments like momentary panic at the loss of a vital employee and finding that an opportunity for my own personal advancement is created from that loss.
Moments like spending years longing for someone to love and finding that there are so many different ways to love and be loved in the world.
Moments like spending decades wrestling painfully with my sexual identity and finding that simply accepting who I am led to so many other places of healing and freedom.
Moments like having my faith burned to the ground over and over again and finding that redemption and growth and evolution truly can be the beauty that rises from the ashes.
We all truly have so, so much we can find to be grateful for even in the hardest of seasons. Never put pressure on yourself to find those things in the moment — don’t force it. But look for it. All the time. And in the seeking, you will find so much beauty as well.
Mandy Kampen loves fantasy, science fiction, and acoustic music. She is a latecomer to comics and board gaming, but she's quickly catching on. She enjoys cool weather, coffee, and YouTube art tutorials, but her favorite way to spend time is with friends, new or old. She's a life-long learner, particularly about spirituality; her current curiosities have led to an exploration of natural and mystical practices throughout history. She and her partner Angela have two cats they call "their boys," which will make you think they are human children - be aware of this when chatting with them.