Worship Fully
SARAH FULLER
“The glory of God is the human person fully alive.” - Saint Irenaeus of Lyons
My name is Sarah. Sarah Jean Cecilia Fuller Dyer. (First name, middle name, saint name, maiden name, married name.)
Growing up, we had a Fuller family tradition as we sat around a dining room table or meal with friends or family. Whenever anyone said “I’m full,” I or my siblings would quickly chime in and say, “I’m Fuller!!” *insert laugh
March 22 of this year was something I was never prepared for. I received the phone call from my sister that she had found our brother, John Fuller, dead in his bed having committed suicide. I screamed (scaring our daughter), ran up to our room and fell to my knees wailing. The days followed and the roller coaster cycle of grief began. My brother had lived a life that we considered to be so full. He was larger than life, engaged in the community, met with veterans to integrate art and healing to handle PTSD recovery, as he himself had served 17 years in the Army. We had not realized the extent of darkness that led to his death.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
As the holidays are approaching, I had not even considered the impact of what grief and loss would be like during the “firsts” for holidays. I attended a Grief Share meeting that specifically went over things to expect:
Making new traditions while knowing old traditions will never be the same.
Knowing when and how to step away when overwhelmed.
Naming the person you love and miss and including their memory in those special days. I did like the idea of lighting a candle the entire day. I may do that for John.
I mainly sat through the meeting, frozen with intense emotion bubbling up giving me kinks in my gut and a headache while trying to hold it together. I couldn’t release there, even though I was among those who all experienced deep loss and would openly cry with welcoming it.
As a 9 on the enneagram (mediator, peacemaker, merger, one who tends to utilize numbing tactics when unhealthy to avoid conflict and maintain inner peace), I am good at being even-tempered. My range of emotional expression is perhaps smaller and will surprise attack me when big emotions occur. When unhealthy, I will go to a point of sloth, “self-slumber,” or this idea of self-forgetfulness. I am slowly realizing that I have been “asleep” for quite some time. In worship (for Sunday services specifically), I often can go through the motions and strive for perfection (my 1 wing coming out) to try and create an experience for others but have difficulty being present in it myself. I have a strong desire now to WAKE the f*** up and LIVE FULLY and WORSHIP FULLY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
Worshiping fully can take on many forms. The beauty of Imago is the inclusion of an array of expressions in which this can manifest — art made from plastic waste, interpretive dance, Breakfast Club, centering prayer, Lectio Divina, communion, music, and more. And worship doesn’t have to take place in a church! *mind blown* As one of the worship leaders at Imago, I was asked to share about my process in selecting music for our Sunday services. I could discuss how about one week ahead of time, I’ll look at the “theme” or topic for service and review the Scripture to see if there is a connection I can make. I partly allow my mind to ruminate over songs that could be appropriate. I hope for the Spirit to guide the process. I take into account my band members and what instruments and voices will work best with a song. And I think about you all — is the song familiar? Singable? Not always! But meaningful? I hope so.
In worshiping fully, it may not always be singing along. Sometimes it looks like tears rolling down with someone’s arm around you as the music plays. Worshiping fully to me is the Hite girls dancing to their hearts’ content in the front row, unconsciously free and joyful. Arms raised or head bowed, standing, sitting, giving, receiving, dancing, crying, or singing your freaking lungs out, whatever your worship looks like, I hope you find yourself more alive and in turn see the beauty of God With Us.
So, I invite you to WAKE UP and live a Fuller Life through worship in all forms this Advent and Christmas season.
Breathe in, breathe out, go deep, look out, jump up, sink in. What makes you fully alive today?
Sarah is 32 years young and still growing up. She can be found behind the piano while leading worship, seeking her inner child volunteering in the 3s Room, or sneaking out for coffee during meet and greet. Her two littles, Lilly and AJ, keep her on her toes, running wild most Sundays. She enjoys dancing at techno concerts with her husband, Lee, but gains energy through self-discovery, an authentically deep conversation on a cozy couch, or watching a sunrise at the beach.