Asking Good Questions by Vicky Brown
So, Imago, what kinds of questions do you like to be asked? Who do you like to hear questions from? Are there questions that you like to avoid? Do you know why? What kinds of questions do you ask yourself? Are there questions that you like to ask others?
As a spiritual director, I’ve been through training in the asking of questions. Yes/no questions don’t go very far, so the questions I was trained to ask are called open-ended questions. These questions require a response that is more than one word and can be very revealing as you sit with someone, even yourself.
As I have gotten older (I know, the ripe old age of 44 may not seem like much, but could someone please tell that to my knees?), I have become more comfortable with questions and less comfortable with answers. Probably because I haven’t felt a lot of answers from God lately, mostly a lot of silence. And if my questions aren’t being answered by God, why would I accept answers that sound like platitudes from religion?
I recently described my relationship with God to my spiritual director like this: it’s solid, but it’s dark. It was the most honest thing I could say. And it doesn’t bother me that it’s true, most days. I don’t really have any answers from God on some really big questions…why did one of your followers disown me and my family? Why does hate seem to be winning? Why are my friends not getting better? How much more suffering must I witness with no solutions? Why is it so hard to feel differently about this person I am in conflict with? And let me tell you, Imago, these questions have the ability to sap my energy. To the point that sometimes I want to stop asking and give in to despair.
And then I am reminded: If you understand him, it would not be God (St. Augustine). Fine, God. I guess mystery is your way. (Insert petulant face here.) Ponder this quote from Albert Einstein: If you can’t explain something simply you don’t understand it well enough. Imago, can you explain God simply? I know I can’t and I am very guarded around those who say they can. I would have to describe countless interactions with the Divine to get across even one thing I THINK I might be able to say I am pretty sure I understand about God. Beliefs about God? I have many of those. Can I prove any of them? Only to myself, really. And I think that is where the rubber meets the road. Only I am accountable for my relationship with God. And this is where questions become my guardrails. Questions I ask myself about how I am living out my beliefs, and if my beliefs are right and true from day to day. These questions have been so important - they are what allow for change.
When I keep asking questions, I am leaving room for more information to inform how I live into them. A simple example: have you ever watched your MPG change after you fill up your car? At first it may be incredibly low and you would be worried that something was wrong with your vehicle…but once there’s more data, you get a better idea of what your actual economy is. Imago, we need more data (experiences) as we live in this world. We need to ask the same questions over and over. We need to evaluate if our old questions are still worth asking and, if not, we need to replace them with new questions.. For example, I no longer ask if God cares about someone I meet based on the behavior that I see. Instead, I ask: what might this person need from me (or society) to experience my belief that God loves them and seeks their good?
Imago, we are supposed to change. We are supposed to grow. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s smooth. But I do believe in all ways it is God, even if we can’t see how.
I leave you with just a few of my favorite quotes about questions and answers:
Why would you want an answer when you are sitting with such a beautiful question? (I heard this somewhere in a joke about God offering to answer a question, haha.)
Do you want to be told or do you want to discover it for yourself? (from a fellow Imagoan)
What drew me to him is that he seemed just as confused as the rest of us - but the difference was that he had accepted his confusion. (from DS9 - nerd alert, I know.)
If you ever want to meet and tell me about your favorite questions, I would love to listen. And ask you some questions about them :) Grace and peace, Imago. You are loved with an everlasting love. Amen.