Seeing Myself In Scripture
RENAE DIETRICH
Matthew 14:13-33
v.13-17
In this well-known story, Jesus has just learned about the beheading of John the Baptist. While the disciples and Jesus are privately grieving this news and loss, the crowds start to find him. Jesus freely gives his energy and time. He loves and heals them — 5,000 of them. It starts to get late in the day, and no one has eaten. They discuss what is available to eat, and it is discovered that a boy has two fish and five loaves of bread. (John 6:9)
v. 18
Jesus asks for the fishes and the loaves.
v.19-21
He then...#1. Looks to Heaven, #2. Gives thanks, and #3. Breaks the loaves. There is more than enough to feed everyone and more leftover than what they started with.
v. 22-26
While the disciples get in a boat, Jesus dismisses the crowds and goes alone to pray. Later, He catches up with them in the boat. The disciples are sitting in the boat and they see “something” walking on the water towards them. They thought it was a ghost. They were scared and cried out.
v. 27
Jesus IMMEDIATELY says, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
v. 28
Peter says “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”
v. 29
“Come.” Jesus says.
v. 30-33
Peter walks on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter feels the wind, he starts to sink. Jesus grabs him and says, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Jesus and Peter get in the boat, and they all worshipped Him and believed He was the Son of God.
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This passage resonates with me on so many levels. It gives so much meaning to my story, my voice and is a constant reminder in situations and events that I can be stretched in my life with Jesus.
Growing up in a denomination that was very Biblically-based and believed the Bible very literally, I did not question the doctrine, nor was I unhappy with it. As a child, I learned the stories in the Bible and who Jesus was. I married a man that grew up in this faith, and we started a family. However, my cross was heavy. The older I got I knew my heart was not happy, and I did not know the Lord. I had a longing and a hope for more — to be treated fairly and with respect. I had a desire that I could not explain...I desired to be me.
I began to hear the Holy Spirit; whispers over my shoulder or in the middle of the night, He would speak to me. I longed for the voice of the Holy Spirit to tell me more, to give me all the answers, calm all my fears. He became my friend, and I learned the relationship of Jesus Christ in the scariest of times — a time when life was the most uncertain, upsetting, and lonely. I asked for a divorce.
My life is impacted by two people in this passage. First, let's start with “the boy.”
Jesus knew about “the boy” in the crowd. Jesus knew the boy had only two fish and five loaves for 5,000 people. Jesus ultimately was the One who packed his lunch that day, knowing where he would be and how many the little lunch would be feeding. Jesus knew there was going to be a miracle, and He knew He would use “the boy.” When I have felt like I have nothing to offer, I still need to give...to whatever capacity that is. If I do not understand, I remember “the boy.” The boy was only a vessel; the food had to get there somehow, and Jesus used the boy. “The boy” does not have a name; he does not need a name. The miracle is not about the boy — what the boy brought became the miracle. Jesus can make so much out of nothing. I can be the vessel. God has prepared me perfectly for my earthly job, and he has already packed my lunch box. I was born with the right tools to be useful for Him.
I am also Peter in this passage — you guessed it — when he walks on the water. The faith that Peter had is what I pray for daily. When Peter surrendered himself and stepped on splashing cold water, he was not distracted. He locked and looked directly into the eyes of Jesus who had told him to “come.” Peter’s first steps on the water were unfamiliar territory. He was trusting and had faith, but as he took each step, the elements of life — the wind, the temperature of the water, possibly even the guys back in the boat — distracted him, and he began to sink. He looked away from the One that called him. Jesus reached out to him and guided him back to the boat. I can just hear Jesus saying to Peter, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I can see Peter hanging his head and telling Jesus, “Wow...I thought I had it. I was almost there. The wind distracted me, the water was so cold, I couldn’t see you very well; it was dark, and did you even hear what the guys on the boat were yelling? I’m sorry, Jesus. I’m such a failure.” The Bible doesn’t say that (because Jesus did not need excuses). It says that they all worshipped Him and believed in that moment that He was the Son of God.
As my journey unraveled through my divorce, I remembered Peter often. I journaled the Holy Spirit encounters and how He spoke to me. I kept my eyes on longing for more. It was finally ok to set higher expectations for myself, because I believed He told me to “come.” I knew that I was everything with Him and that I was nothing without Him. I trusted that He would fill all my empty spaces with peace because His promises say He will.
I learned what it meant to surrender. I risked everything: a home, four children, a community, faith. I knew very few people and did not have many friends. I did not know where I would go to church or how to worship. An entire rebuilding of my world was taking place at age 40. All I had was God, and God was all I needed. I was not nervous; I was empowered. I found myself, and I found the smile I had lost. I learned that hope comes from hardship. Hope and joy grew out of dealing with the ugly life stuff. Jesus will always take care of His people, and He took care of me.
I have an engraved rock in my shower that I look at daily. Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” It is a constant reminder that His plans for me are always for a better me.
Imago Dei is an answered prayer. On many levels, Imago has taught me MORE. It is the safe place I can land on Sunday mornings and be Spiritually fed. Imago is a community yet gives to a community. Imago is the Love that I know God wants for the world. Imago Dei...the image of God. I believe God led me here and it is a part of His plan. It’s that gut feeling — a Holy Spirit whisper.
Renae Dietrich is a realtor in the tri-county area. She has four children (two are married) and two granddaughters. Rainbows have spoken into her life at profound moments, and she cries every time she sees the ocean. Renae collects rocks and feathers and loves being in nature. She loves music and art. Renae is an Enneagram 9.