Disordered Attachments

VICKY BROWN


Beloved, I’d like to invite you into a time of reflection, self-examination, and deepening through the following thoughts and questions so that we can grow in our understanding of ourselves and the places where we have become attached to things that are not bringing us life, even during this challenging time.

When we are forced into patterns we can’t control, we see who we really are. We see what we love. And it may not be what we expected or what we wanted to be true.

This is a time to take stock. I think many of us have done this before now, maybe in another crisis (personal or not). We have gone through a mental list of who and what is important to us. But this time, after we have surveyed that list, we may find that there is more to add than before...because we have so much time on our hands and are especially isolated with so many things beyond our control…

We may be noticing more ideas and feelings and longings than usual in this time away from our important people and things. And I am here to ask you: PLEASE DON’T STOP.

Keep going in these noticings; they are ever so important. We have a unique chance in this time to go deeper. “Especially when outward distractions disappear, we find that the greatest distraction from reality and divine union is our own busy mind and heart. Suffering of some sort seems to be the only thing strong enough to both destabilize and reveal our arrogance, our separateness, and our lack of compassion.” (Richard Rohr)

How is your mind busy during this time? What are you anxious about? Have you found places where arrogance may be lying in wait for your soul? What are you excited about? What are you hoping for? Take time to name all those things buzzing in your brain. And then try to identify the things you can actually lay aside for the moment, and then ask your mind to stop spinning around those things. You literally can’t do anything about them right now. And keep in mind the words of Jesus, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Thanks for the tall order in these times, Jesus! (I say tongue-in-cheek...but I also am reminded that this is a call not to worry, NOT a call not to be practical.)

How is your heart doing? What’s the main feeling you have? How is your compassion these days? What are the main themes of your emotions: Are they positive? negative? How can you focus on the positive a little more today? Or at least come back to neutral? (Which may be all we are capable of today — that’s okay!)

If all of these questions are too much — which is normal when we find there are things lurking in our soul that we didn’t know were there — how can you ask God to sit with you in what feels like darkness or mire? What will that look like for you? How can you create space for that in this season? Believe me, he is already there. Bringing your gaze to his presence can be a fruitful exercise.

“Darkness, mistakes, and trials are the supreme teachers. Success [and getting your way] really teaches you nothing; it just feels good. We only need enough light [in this time] to be able to trust the darkness [as a teacher].” (Rohr)

Imago, I have seen this in you these past weeks! You are all the light. WE are all the light because God shines through each of us! 

“Going through the pain of recognizing this disorder will help us grow and switch our loyalties from self to God. We dare not get rid of our pain before we have learned what it has to teach us. Most of religion gives answers too quickly, dismisses pain too easily, and seeks to be distracted — to maintain some ideal order. So we must resist the instant fix and acknowledge ourselves as beginners to be open to true transformation. The only honest and healing order is the acceptance of disorder. The road to reorder from there is not for the faint of heart.” (Rohr)

Let us become more aware of the darkness during this time, Imago, knowing that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that show us the true light. Let us be taught where our disordered attachments lie — disorder in our hearts, in our bodies, and in our minds. 

The goal then, Imago, is spiritual freedom — and all our new noticings and awarenesses in this time can lead us down the road of freedom. When we have freedom, “we are not excessively attached to persons, places, material possessions, titles, occupations, honors, and the acclaim of others. These things are good in themselves when ordered and directed by the love of God. They become disordered attachments or disordered loves when they push God out of the center of our lives and become key to our identity.” (Kevin O’Brien)

So, Imago, during this time, how will we seek to be ordered around love? How will we seek to become free from attachment to things that will not fulfill? How will we seek to be defined by reality and divine love, our truest selves? How, Imago, will we love in the days and weeks to come?

Below is a link to one of Richard Rohr’s meditations from this week that you might find helpful as you sit with darkness.

Grace and much peace, Imago. You are loved with an eternal love. Amen.

Richard Rohr Meditation: The Dark Emotions


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Vicky Brown is a spiritual director, rock collector and loves sci-fi and fantasy. As a “4” on the Enneagram she feels all the things, all the time. Just ask her husband, Cory. Vicky currently serves on the Co-Pastor Search Committee as well as in the bookkeeping role.

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