Re-Connecting Amongst Disconnect
EMILY MORRIS
When 2020 began, my sister and I kept saying to each other, “2020 is going to be a big year, I can feel it,” and when I accepted a new job in March, I knew this was the beginning of something exciting. When I showed up for my first day of work, in my new business-professional, first-day outfit with a color-coordinated mask, I was met with an empty parking lot and a woman inside telling me she was sorry, but I wasn’t going to be working until this was all sorted out. Naturally, I immediately cried and called my mom to complain, to which she replied, “Well, you told God you needed a break, and here it is.” I am a social worker and an Enneagram Two, which means my feelings of self-worth tend to be wrapped up in whether or not I am needed and whether or not I am helping someone. Just like that, I felt it stripped away in an empty parking lot, even if at that time it was just for two weeks, like we all thought.
The first few days, I sulked, napped, drank an excessive amount of tea, and obsessively looked at my budget and planned how many days I could go without working before it was time to freak out. I sat in my yard and researched ways I could volunteer, babysit, connect with others, shop for others — any way to be someone’s support system during this time. As two weeks went by, we learned it was going to be much longer than this. Thankfully, I was able to start my new job from home with training a few hours a day, but without a caseload of people to support, and not being able to get involved with the community how I wanted, I became antsy. While on the phone with my sister, I asked her for advice. She reminded me of a few short weeks ago when I expressed how drained I was, how much I needed a break, and how I had felt like I had forgotten how to take care of myself. “You can’t pour from an empty cup, and maybe it’s time for you to be that person for yourself that you always try to be for others.”
For me, connecting with others became a form of self-care during this time. I wrote down a routine for my day, and every day I set aside time to connect and check in with someone, even if it was just a small text conversation one day, while also setting aside time to connect and check in with myself. I still did the typical quarantine hobbies during those few months: I baked sourdough, brewed kombucha, started a garden, and hiked like it was my job, but I also found that I had the time to connect with people in a way that was very different than my job. I had group FaceTime dates with friends from childhood, seeing their children, their new homes, the cities they live in now, and reminiscing while also encouraging each other and supporting each other in our new adventures and growth. I joined an online book club with my sister and friend. I had “fancy” picnic dinner dates with my partner on the living room floor. I had a socially-distanced hike with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years, which aided in a lot of healing that I didn’t even realize needed to be done, and recently I was able to join a small group at Imago that has given me much-needed time getting to know people from church who I have only seen online.
As much as I connected to others and was able to find a new way to connect with those around me, I also learned how to connect with myself. I was able to spend more time outdoors, read books just for fun, meditate and have actual quiet time, and journaled to my heart’s content without setting a timer. These months have entirely changed the way we connect and what it means to us. I’ve learned how powerful a “how are you?” text can be, or how sending someone a selfie with a silly filter can make someone feel so loved. I’ve learned how spending an hour or two watching the sunrise with your dog and a cup of coffee can make you feel connected to your own needs in a way you hadn’t recognized. Right now life is hard. Just the act of opening up your phone opens you up to so many different things to make your heart ache, to make you angry, and to make you feel powerless and small. One thing we know we have the power to do is to connect with and love others, and in order to do that properly, we need to connect with and love ourselves as well — because we can’t pour from that empty cup.
Emily is a Family Development Specialist for PCCEO and a mom to a 16-year-old chihuahua-terrier mix, as well as a jungle of plants in their home in West Peoria. You can find Emily outside on a trail, singing love songs to plants, or at home drinking tea and watching Criminal Minds. Emily has been a part of Imago Dei since March.